Reading the Ending First

I am very impatient. When I was a kid, I used to read the endings of the books first. I would read every single ending of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books and go back and try every single option and possible combination. The excitement and suspense was never lost on me, despite having read the endings beforehand.

When we watched the movie, “Hunger Games,” I asked Ninja to tell me how it ends and what happens in the rest of the books. I read up on spoilers and plot lines of tv shows before I watch them on Netflix. I even read magazines from the back to the front.

Christmas, birthdays – any occasions that involve gift giving – are crazy for me because I just CANNOT wait to open the gifts, give the gifts, etc. I want to tell the person what the gift is because I am so excited for them to get it. My family is all this way. Ninja’s family is not. They wrap up all their presents and Ninja’s mom even stuffs stockings for Christmas! It is a tradition that I have come to love, but it has not made me any more patient! 

The worst is when things are unknown. I love clear paths. I enjoy the black and white. I don’t mind grey areas, but too much grey makes me feel unsettled and anxious. This time has been a time of a lot of unknowns. I wish that I could read the ending first, but I’ve been learning to go with the flow and trying hard not to think to much about the fact that there is a lot of grey and unknown in front of me right now. It’s been tough, but I’ve been trying hard to throw myself in to the things that I love – my family, my blogging and writing, my friends – new and old. I’ve also been opening myself up to things that I’ve never done before and have been looking for inspiration and challenges all around me. It’s been a great way to learn to love myself and to discover myself. I get a sense of accomplishment from doing things that I never would’ve done before or things that I didn’t think that I could do.

I am hoping that things will become more clear and I will be able to see my next steps without the fog of the unknown. But until then, I wait in nervous excitement with a bit of anxiety about where this part of my adventures will take me.

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