Did you ever read that book, Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret? I was always amused by the title and I remember praying in my tween years, “Are you there God? It’s me, Phyllis.” It was unclear to me if God really heard me better when I started off with that.
I’m a believer in God – big time. However, I’m also a believer in karma, the universe, and that dreams can give you lots of insights and warnings in life. Maybe it is part of the fact that my grandparents and great grandmother were Buddhists and that they also come from a culture steeped in Shamanism.
A few mornings ago, I got a text – I knew it was from Ninja. I knew it had something to do with the car. The night before, we ended up taking an impromptu trip to an auto center because the air in the front passenger tire was low. I had this feeling that there was a hole or something bigger than just not enough air in the tire. Ninja hates running these kinds of errands after work, but we’ve had more than our share of car accidents, tire blowouts, and other car difficulties, so I didn’t want to chance it.
Apparently, the tire rim is bent, which is causing a continued leak. The tire rim got bent the last time we went over a pothole and blew out the tire. We recently paid off the car and now we are paying for so much just to keep the car running. And I am left wondering what the universe is trying to tell me. Is the universe telling me that we really need to move closer to Ninja’s job? Is it saying that Ninja needs to find a new job? Is it saying we need a new car? Is it teaching me some sort of lesson?
Whatever it is – I feel like I am not getting it. I’m trying hard to listen, but there seems to be no message – just a lot of bad luck. Or maybe God is trying to say something to me through all these series of events? I am also a believer that things happen for a reason – to be understood or revealed now or even many years down the line. However, I am impatient about all of this. I want to see the writing on the wall and the explanation immediately. I hate the not-knowing and the fact that I am not understanding what is going on. Maybe this is some sort of exercise in faith. I just want clarity. I just want some control.
For now, I am trying to listen and gain some insight while impatiently wondering what God or the universe is trying to tell me. It is always hard for me to feel out of control in situations and it is even more frustrating for me to not know what lies ahead or see the clear path. Just one step at a time, right?